How To Save My Marriage: 2 Secret Techniques

If you’re wondering, “How to save my marriage?” then you only have to look around you to remember the things you did together when you were first married or first dating. Are you still doing those things today? If you’re trying to figure out, “How to save my marriage?” then chances are you’re not.

Marriages get into trouble for a variety of different reasons. There are affairs, lies, boredom, changes people go through that make them more or less appealing to each other, moves, children, jobs . . . . All these things factor into a marriage and help determine whether it’s healthy or whether you’ll end up asking, “How to save my marriage?”

If there are have been affairs or serious betrayals and lies, then probably the best thing you can do if you want to save the marriage is to go to counseling. This isn’t one of the secret techniques, but it’s probably the only one that can really help once things like that have gone on.

Through marriage counseling, you may be able to get at the heart of why there was cheating, and find ways to make sure it doesn’t happen again. Counseling may also lead you to the painful decision that you don’t want to remain in such a marriage where you may not be able to trust your spouse again (or yourself, if you’re the one who cheated).

Sometimes marriage counseling is very painful while you’re going, but once the painful things come out it’s like a wound that’s been cleaned out –now it can start to heal.

The secret techniques aren’t really secret either, but they might as well be because few people every try them and instead do the exact opposite.

The first thing you can do when you find yourself asking, “How to save my marriage?” is to simply leave your spouse alone. Enjoy some more time without your partner. It doesn’t have to be for very long. It can be just a few days. Just make sure your partner knows that it isn’t practice for splitting up, you’re just giving him or her a little breathing room.

Sometimes marriages suffer because spouses spend too much time together. If that’s the case in your marriage, some time apart can be a very good thing.

If the problem with the marriage is that you spend too much time apart already, then you can make a difference in your marriage by taking some initiative. Vow right now to make some changes, and go and schedule a weekend getaway for you both. If that’s too expensive, plan an outing for the day. Or plan three hours of dinner and a movie where it’s just the two of you, on a private and surprise date.

You’d be surprised how these two secret techniques, when used at the appropriate times, can feel so good they’ll take you from asking, “How to save my marriage?” to wondering why you hadn’t been doing these things for several years.

Is There A Secret To Relationships?

If there were a magic secret to relationships, someone would have already bottled it and made millions of dollars. But there are several ways to make your relationship strong and give it the best chance of lasting a lifetime. Most of them are common sense and some are just reminders of when the relationship was new. None of them is really a secret.

• Love. It’s not enough to love your partner, but you have to show them that you love them often. You should never be in a relationship if you don’t feel genuine love for someone, and feel comfortable expressing it.

• Respect. If you don’t respect the person you’re with, there’s little hope for the relationship. If you laugh at your partner, feel he or she is often a joke, dumb or worthy of some kind of scorn, then what’s the point?

• Kindness. Treat your partner with kindness always. A secret to relationships is to be as courteous when you’re alone and not feeling thrilled at that moment as you would with a stranger on the street.

• Thoughtfulness. Put your partner’s needs and desires at the top of your list. Little gestures are often some of the most powerful.

• Honesty. Lies can ruin a relationship quickly, even if they’re lies about nothing important. Don’t do anything deceptive and you’ll never have to lie in the first place.

All of those are important to a relationship and may be called the “secret to relationships.” But you really need all of them for a good relationship, and they’re things everyone already knows. The hard part can be figuring out how to express some of them.

Honest is pretty easy to show. Simply be open and honest during conversations. Don’t be afraid to let your partner see your true self, especially when you feel scared, sad, lonely or vulnerable.
Showing respect and showing kindness can go hand in hand. By treating your partner with respect, you show that you support them. You’ll back them up in their ideas and actions because you respect and believe in them.

Even when you don’t necessarily feel they’re doing the right thing, you can respect their decision and be kind in your words about it. Disagreeing pleasantly is a so-called secret to relationships.
Thoughtfulness and love can be expressed hand in hand, too. Telling your partner that you love him is one way to express love. But maybe he feels more loved when you reach out and rub his shoulders for a minute as you pass. Or you balance the checkbook so he doesn’t have to do it.

People perceive love differently. If you can find what your partner perceives as the most loving thing and do that, you’re expressing your love perfectly for that person. And you’re being thoughtful, too. You’re thinking of that person and trying to make them happy.

If you combine these things and apply them, then you’ve found the secret to relationships that can make your partnership a happy one.

Secret Relationship: Why Keep A Secret?

A secret relationship could seem exciting at first, but it can also become a burden to keep the secret. There are legitimate reasons for not telling anyone about a relationship. At some point, the burden of secrecy will probably start to strain the relationship and you’ll have to decide whether not keep it a secret relationship.

One of the main reasons for having a relationship with someone secretly is because you worry what other people will think. Maybe your parents or friends would not approve of this person. You should really stop and consider why they wouldn’t approve before having a secret relationship.

Your family and friends really just want what’s best for you in most cases. Now and then there are situations where they just want to impose their will on you. But for the most part, they’re looking out for you.

Do they feel the person will hurt you, or doesn’t treat you right? Has that person given them reason to think the relationship might not be a good one? If they disapprove on those grounds, you can hardly blame them. In fact, keeping the relationship a secret hints that you might not disagree completely.

It could be that you just don’t want to hear their protests. But it also could be that you know they’re not entirely wrong. Otherwise, why not have the relationship out in the open and show them how wrong they are?

If they disapprove of the relationship for reasons that are petty or clearly based on their own issues, then you should ask yourself why you’re having a secret relationship at all. Things like thinking that your partner doesn’t have enough money or class, for instance, would be no reason to hide the relationship.

You may, out of a desire to not have to hear their complaints. But for such a narrow minded reason, you shouldn’t worry about keeping their minds at ease. If they don’t like your partner’s race, it can be simpler to keep the relationship a secret. But you shouldn’t have to unless you really want to.

Why not show them that you’re your own person and you’re proud of how you feel? By having your relationship out in the open, you’re being more true to yourself and your partner. And maybe you’ll even change their minds about what being a relationship means.

You might even be surprised to find some friends or family members don’t feel the same as the rest. Often, if a family or group of friends is against something, like an interracial relationship, you perceive each person as feeling that way.

But it could be there are a few who didn’t want to speak up and be different. Don’t be too hard on them for not standing up for you and what they believe in. They probably felt outnumbered and didn’t want to hear the arguments. And you’re in a secret relationship, after all, because you didn’t want to have to hear the protests either.

Read more in The Magic Of Making Up