The Wife Led Relationship - Is It For You?

There are different degrees to a wife led relationship. Many men are content and even thrilled to let the wife take complete control of the relationship. This goes beyond letting her make the decisions, into dominant and submissive behavior. Some men simply allow the wife to make the major decisions and set the tone, without being truly submissive.

To what degree your marriage becomes a wife led relationship is based mostly on both your preferences. Maybe you feel better when she makes the decisions and handles the checkbook. Remember that though you’re allowing her to have that control, it can be a burden too. Especially if she’s not comfortable with those tasks.

Rather than feeling like she’s lucky to have control, she might feel that you’re pushing off unpleasant decisions and jobs onto her. Be sure to balance it by taking over things that she doesn’t like to do. This type of marriage is wife led in the sense that she has the major amount of control.

But a popular fantasy for many men is to have a truly wife led relationship. They become quite submissive to the wife in everything. They do the chores and anything she tells them. And serving their wives in this way pleases them a great deal.

The submissiveness even carries over their sex lives. In fact, that’s the big appeal for many men in having this type of relationship. They secretly want to be dominated sexually, and the rest just adds to that appeal.

In a true wife led relationship, the man knows that she has authority over him. He does the chores and tries to anticipate her every need. She doesn’t thank him, but may tell him he’s doing a good job.

When it comes to sex, the man is only allowed as much pleasure as the woman feels like letting him have. And not allowing him to have an orgasm, or delaying it, is something these men find enjoyable.

A relationship of this type isn’t for everyone, but many men feel happiest when their wives have control. And while it might sound like the woman has it made in a wife led relationship, it’s not always easy for her either.

If a woman has been raised believing in the typical roles of husband and wife, suddenly being asked to take charge of everything can be daunting. Granted, the housework and other chores will probably be done by the man. But the handling of the big decisions, finances and other things might be a new experience.

Some women may not enjoy it, at least not all the time. But if the man really wants that, a compromise could work where certain days or periods of time are spent with the wife taking charge.

If you would like this kind of relationship but don’t know how to ask your wife, you may want to write your feelings down. Or you could start behaving as if you’re in a wife-led relationship and then bring it up by asking her if she likes your behavior.

Relationship Psychology: Does Conflict Affect Men More?

In trying to overcome conflicts in a relationship, psychology may help us understand why men and women react differently. If you are dating or in a marriage, there are going to be arguments from time to time. What can make things worse is if the two people's ways of dealing with conflict cause them to make things worse. Many marriages have turned to marriage counselors and those who aren't married will still seek out relationship advice. Most counseling will help you realize some things that may help each understand how the other party thinks.

There was a study funded by the National Institute of Mental Health which showed that most couples who had been together for only a couple of months between the ages of 18 and 21 avoided intimacy and being dependent on their other half. They also showed levels of anxiety concerning being rejected or abandoned. Those tested all exhibited different degrees of the anxiety over being abandoned. Of course, those who were more secure in themselves had lower levels and others, depending on how they dealt with anxiety and thought about abandonment, reacted differently as well.

What was interesting in the testing was how differently the results were in both men and women. The ones researching relationship psychology using these subjects found that in their physiological reaction to relationship conflict, the reaction in men was more easily noticeable. Most of the reaction was increased anxiety for the majority of men while only those women who are the more avoidant types showed any real changes.

Women are more likely to want to guide a conversation in trying to resolve conflict in a relationship. Psychology shows them to be, in this situation, the ones actively working to get the situation resolved. While they were showing increased levels of cortisol before and during the confrontation, the levels dropped significantly. They showed that getting the conflict over quickly was more physiologically satisfying.

Men, however, showed to be more passive in conflict resolution. While there was evidence that they, too, wanted the conflict to be resolved they weren't anxious to confront the conflict head on. Those men who had female partners who were more secure showed lower levels of anxiety. Women showed no change in their levels of anxiety whether their male counterpart was secure or not.

When you seek out relationship advice, whether you go to family therapy or psychologists, they are going to try to help you understand how men and women react differently. The above research on studying the effects of conflict in men and women will help you know why the react the way that they do in the relationship. Psychology and physiological research will help you deal with conflict better.