Showing posts with label dating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dating. Show all posts

Monday, 11 January 2010

Win Your Love Back Once And For All

Too many people who want love back go about the process the wrong way.
People who want to undo a breakup rush into the situation, pursuing their ex aggressively in order to get them back, but this has the wrong effect and can often backfire completely.

If you really want to learn how to win love back them the first thing that you need to do is to follow this advice completely and fully. You do not want to chase after your ex, or pursue them too quickly or forcibly, but instead you are going to want to be cool about things, acting as if you are moving on and not worried about the relationship so that your ex can want to win love back with you just as seriously as you want to learn how to win love back with them.

Too many people try to pursue their ex relationships with too much force. If you cram yourself down their throat they will never want to make up with you or make things work again, so this is absolutely no way for you to learn how to win love back.

You do not want to look desperate when it comes to learning how to win love back, because you need to be playing things cool and moving on, and acting as if you are completely accepting of the relationship and its end. This will allow your ex to have the time and space they need to make the realization that they still want you.

Do not go out and start dating all of her friends, and do not let her catch you flirting with other girls while you are out in public. Spend time with your friends and loved ones, though, and let her know in no uncertain terms that you are playing things cool.

This is not about making her jealous, it's just about letting her realize that she cares about you, and she wants to learn how to win love back too.

If you play things cool, and you don't act too desperate or too crazy about getting back together with your ex, then if things are meant to be they will eventually fall into place as they should. It may seem tricky to play it cool when you want to win love back so desperately, but you have to make this work if you want to convince your ex that you are worth rekindling things with.

It can be difficult to learn how to win love back, but if you work hard at it, you can make it work. If the relationship is meant to be, it will be. But only if you are willing to put some effort into the situation and to be patient to let things fall into place naturally.

Thursday, 7 January 2010

Saving Your Marriage: 4 Important Tips

There are 4 good tips to help save marriage. None of them are terribly difficult to do, and they’re all very inexpensive. They’re simple common sense. Yet many people won’t try them, not even to save marriage.

1. Just stop arguing. Every time your partner says something that you want to get grumpy with or correct, just learn to let it go. By doing this you’re doing yourself and all of us a favor. When one person can learn to let things start rolling off her back, the other one will follow suit.

To help save marriage, you are probably going to have to be the one to learn to let things go. You never know, your partner might be working on the same skills at the same time. But no matter how badly both people want to save the marriage, usually only one person is working on trying to keep the peace.

If your partner thinks that shirt is blue when it’s really an odd green, just think in your head “it’s green!” but let it go. It comes down to deciding that you want help save marriage and that’s more important than always being right about everything, or making sure your partner doesn’t make a mistake.

2. Be dating again. Even if you’re not actually dating and going out together, you have to approach your relationship as if it’s new and you’ve just started dating. This isn’t always easy, especially if you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, but it’s necessary.

We all have a different perspective on our partners when the relationship is new. Everything‘s fresh and more exciting. After a while that freshness wears off and we start to get bored. Some call it routine and familiarity, but most people call it boring and predictable.

If you want to help save marriage, then make sure it isn’t as boring and predictable as it has been. Surprise your partner with a special date night (and make sure you can reschedule, just in case they can’t go).

3. Love your partner in the way he or she wants to be loved. We all have things that make us happiest. Some like to be told that they’re loved constantly .Others find small gestures like you offering your gloves to them on a cold day to be the greatest things ever.

Some might think that changing the oil on the car for them is a supreme act of love, while others just want to be told “I love you” so they can feel cherished. The point is, your hours of loving your partner will be twice as effective if you do the things that you know make them happy.

4. Be physically affectionate. Love and marriage aren’t all about sex, but it’s still important. If you want to help save marriage, you’ll hug and kiss you partner many times throughout the day for no reason at all.

Wednesday, 30 December 2009

Stop Your Divorce: 3 Ways To Do It

Things aren’t going well, but you don’t want divorce to end your relationship. What can you do?

If you don’t want divorce there are three specific things you can do to stop it.

These tips won’t work in every situation—some relationships are too far gone. But most relationships start having troubles long before they reach this point, thankfully.

When you don’t want divorce but your partner does, try being quiet for a while. Just don’t say anything. Stop complaining. The worst thing you can do is to carry on about how you don’t want to get divorced.

You can let your partner know that you don’t want the divorce. And that’s about all you can do. Perhaps you could reassure them that couples go through this kind of thing all the time and are still together today. Just don’t do it more than once.

If you carry on and carry on about how you want to stay together, you’ll probably just annoy your partner, making it less likely for him to be open to the idea of staying together. The whole point is to make yourself extra desirable to your partner again.

It’s unlikely he or she finds you particularly desirable when you’re complaining and whining about inconsequential things. That tendency to complain and even nag may have had something to do with why the relationship broke up in the first place, remember.

You want to show your very best side to your partner at all times. When you started dating this person, you were probably on your own very best behavior. Everyone does that to win a mate’s heart. Then as things start to stagnate a little because the mate is won and there’s no need to compete with others anymore, the tendency to whine and complain begins.

Stop this immediately and go back to your very best “going to win them” courting behavior. That is often such a switch from the way things were in the beginning, that it seems almost too good to be true.

Going hand in hand with taking care not to complain or nag is learning to simply be agreeable. We tend to take our partner for granted and when he or she suggests something we’re not happy with, we make it known. If we do that too often it can start to seem to our partner that they can’t do or say anything right!

If you don’t want divorce then learn to agree with your partner even when you don’t want to. That might sound a little extreme, but you’re in rescue mode right now. You just want to do everything you can to save the marriage. It doesn’t’ mean that you’ll never be able to disagree with them for the rest of your life.

You need to learn to not whine, to agree and to do it all with a smile on your face. If you don’t want divorce you’ll have to do these things for at least a little while.

Sunday, 20 December 2009

Stages Of A Relationship: Understanding Them Makes A Difference

You’re probably not thinking about the different stages of a relationship while you’re with someone. And especially if the relationship is new or restarting after a breakup, it’s not likely on your mind. But if you understand the different stages of a relationship it can help you understand where you are and what’s yet to come.

Of all the stages of a relationship, the first stage is probably the most exciting. This is the romance stage, the beginning. There’s dating and getting to know each other, and each of you is on your very best behavior because you want to woo the other person.

This stage is often called the honeymoon period, because everything is fresh and new. Everything the other person does probably seems wonderful. You laugh at his jokes, and don’t mind the person’s flaws. In fact, you may even find his flaws endearing. Just like anything new, it can be a great deal of fun and seem adventurous.

The next two stages are the make or break stages that many couples never make it through. They account for things like very short relationships and marriages. The second stage is commonly known as the power struggle stage.

This is when the newness starts to wear off, and usually starts somewhere between six months to a year after the relationships starts. It’s during this time that things start to get serious. Everything isn’t as cute and endearing as it was in the beginning.

Each person in the relationship is trying to get his or her needs met, and they’re starting to notice where the other person falls short in doing that. If you’re in this stage, take a step back. The things you’re finding fault with in the other person are probably flaws that you have also.

If a couple can get through this stage, the relationship has a much better chance of lasting. Unfortunately, many couples try to change each other in the second stage. This leads to break-ups. Honest communication is the key to getting past it. Be understanding, and realize that you have shortcomings, too.

The third of the stages of a relationship is where you realize that you can’t change the other person, and you stop trying. If you came to that realization by talking with your partner and being understanding, then congratulations are in order!

This stage for you will be one of learning to be content with what the other has to offer and learning to take care of yourself. If the power struggle ended badly, then this is the stage where you’re likely to end the relationship.

The next stage is that of commitment. You realized you couldn’t change each other but you still made it work, and you know you want to be together. Now you can move on to a true partnership, which is the last stage.

Many couples bounce from stage 2 to 3 several times before moving on to commitment. By understanding the stages of a relationship, you’re at least aware of what’s happening and why.

Find out more in The Magic Of Making Up

Sunday, 22 November 2009

The Best Spouse Relationships

The best spouse relationships are based on love and respect. That goes without saying, doesn’t it? Everyone probably realizes that love and respect are crucial to having a good marriage. But beyond love and respect, there are a few things that can help spouse relationships.

Think back to when you were first married. If you’re newly married, think back to when you first met and were dating. How did you treat your partner? You probably treated your partner with respect, but also with kindness and thoughtfulness.

Unfortunately, it’s common that the longer we know someone, the less kind we tend to be toward them. One would think that the opposite holds true. But we start to take the other person for granted and think they’ll always be there, no matter what.

Think of the last time you went to the bank or grocery store and spoke to the cashier. Maybe you exchanged words with a stranger. How was the tone of your voice and your words? You probably sounded like the sweetest person on the planet. That person might have thought “how polite” when you walked away.

Now think to the words and the tone of the voice you use with your spouse sometimes. When you get angry or you’re unhappy about something, think about how you sound. Would you ever speak that way to a stranger? If you’re thinking “probably not” then you’ve started taking advantage of your spouse.

People do it with close friends, parents and children, too. If we could record people’s conversations and play them back at a different time, people might be ashamed of how they sounded. And they probably wouldn’t speak that way to someone they didn’t know well for fear of hurting their feelings!

Good spouse relationships are kind ones. Everyone gets angry now and then. And yes, everyone says things he or she regrets in an angry and even hateful tone of voice. But you can keep these instances to a minimum by just thinking about whether you’d talk to your postman or your boss that way.

Thoughtfulness is also an important factor in good spouse relationships. People love their spouses, but it seems the longer they’re together, they less they sometimes show it. Your spouse is one person you should make a point of being thoughtful toward, too.

In the beginning when you’re first dating someone or first married, you might send (or receive) flowers, cards and little surprises. Generally after people are married for a while, these sorts of things slow down or stop. Remembering to be thoughtful and surprise your spouse can help makes yours one of the better spouse relationships.

Try to keep in mind that marriage isn’t written in stone. There really are other opportunities out there for your spouse. Bring back some of the things you did and said when you were trying to win this person. Be kind and thoughtful as much as you can. Those combined with love and respect will make yours one of the enduring spouse relationships.


Friday, 13 November 2009

Forget Your Heart And Use Your Head To Win Back Love

If you're serious about finding a way to win back love, then it means you're going to have to start using your head and stop following your heart! It really is that simple.

So let's look at this! Your heart is no doubt telling you to drop everything, chase down your ex and make them listen to what you have to say, whether they want to or not. You heart has convinced you that all your ex has to do is to hear and understand just how much you miss, love and want them back and your ex will forget about everything that went wrong take you back on the spot! Wrong!

To win back love your head would never tell you to do any of that, instead your head would say back off, get a grip and take your time. Guess which one you should be listening to! Yep, your head!

So, leave your ex alone, don't call them, don't try to accidentally bump into them wherever you know they hang out and don't send them love notes – in short make no attempt whatsoever to contact them.

By contacting them, you're making yourself appear desperate, a pain in the butt and someone that no right minded person would even want to be around never mind consider dating again. Like a diamond that increases in value the rarer it is, where your ex is concerned, aim to be rare! Let your ex wonder where you are and why they haven't heard from you and just like that they will want to hear from you and see you.

If you're stuck with a problem and the first person you would usually call is your ex, then you're going to have to figure out how to solve that problem yourself. Not only does this enhance your standing with your ex, because they realize that you can cope on your own, but it also enhances your own standing in your own head. If you figure out how to cook that favorite meal that your ex used to cook for you – you realize you can cope! If you figure out how to change the oil in your car – again you realize that you can cope!

The art to win back love is based in rationale and calmness. Only then will your ex give you the time of day. Whatever fire is burning in your heart for your ex, allowing it to run riot and influence you unduly will only be to your detriment. Calm the flames of your passion and instead use the logical! That is what will ultimately help you to win back love.

Read further in The Magic Of Making Up

Sunday, 8 November 2009

I Dumped Boyfriend And Now I Want Him Back

So you were dating a guy you really liked and then one day you noticed a tiny little issue about him that you didn't really like and you dumped boyfriend! Just like that! Out of the blue! But have you really dug down deep to try and understand why you dumped boyfriend?

Perhaps you've told yourself that it was the way he ate his food? Or the way he laughed or perhaps even something as earth shattering as the way that he walked? Whatever it was that made you turn around and end up with a dumped boyfriend, why are you regretting it now because now, you want him back. But here's the thing he wants nothing to do with you and everything that you've tried so far to get him back, has failed.

Well, have you tried just leaving him alone for a while? Because pretty much you've hurt his feelings big time and he's doubtless feeling humiliated. If you've been calling him 24/7 and he's just not picking up, then that's a clear indication that he needs you to leave him alone.

So instead of bombarding him with text messages and calls, give him some space and take a look at the real hidden reasons that might have caused you to wake up one morning with a dumped boyfriend.

Truth is some girls have been known to 'test' the relationship by ending it to see if their boyfriends will put up a fight for them and the relationship. If this is what you did, then this is basically flawed behavior. Not only that, ask yourself why you would even want to put someone who you clearly have feelings for through the upset of a breakup?

Usually anyone who tries to manipulate someone to this extreme, has deep rooted self-esteem issues that they should really think about working out. Your self-esteem is really the inner you. If you are suffering from low self-esteem then the little voice in your head often shouts negativity at you and tells you that you are just not good enough. Take the time to address this and you will be far happier.

To win back a dumped boyfriend you're going to have to clearly work on yourself. No self-respecting boyfriend wants to be around someone who is high maintenance and doesn't know her own mind. In future, make sure you're one hundred per cent sure about what you are doing and why you are doing it.

Instead of dumping the guy, why not sit and talk to him about your fears and your insecurities. He will think more of you if you are honest with him, rather than if you simply lash out on a whim and dump him for what appears to be no good reason.

Tuesday, 3 November 2009

Easy Steps To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back

Just how long or how quickly has it taken you to figure out that you want to find out how to get your ex girlfriend back? Some guys find out the minute their girlfriends walk out on them that they want them back. Other guys don't really find out until they're dating someone else only to discover that 'something's missing' with the new girl. How to get your ex girlfriend back under whatever time lapse, involves the same steps. It can be quick and it can be easy, if you follow some basic steps.

Keep yourself looking smart and fit.

It's really easy when you feel down and stressed to find yourself eating the wrong foods and not taking care of yourself. You'd be surprised how quick it is to pile on the pounds in a matter of weeks of self-indulgence. So stop feeling sorry for yourself and get down to the gym or over to the football field with a few of the guys.

If you want to know how to get your ex girlfriend back then after you've had a kick around with the guys, go shower and change and get out on the town and enjoy yourself. It won't necessarily do your chances of getting back with your ex any harm if you casually date another girl.

Remember, you're not actually in a relationship with your ex, you might want to be, but until that dream is an actual, you're a free agent. But don't set out to hurt some other girl just because you want to make your ex jealous or just because you're thinking about yourself. Just make it clear to the girl that you're just interested in some fun and nothing more.

Get everything that happened in your past relationship into perspective.

There's no point fooling yourself about what went wrong in the relationship. You need to come at this situation with fresh and clear honesty if any reconciliation is going to be effective and long lasting. So if you have mistakes to own up to, if you're sure you want to understand how to get your ex girlfriend back, make sure that you accept your part in the break down of your relationship.

When you're feeling emotionally secure and you've thought through the relationship and have a healthy perspective, make contact with your ex and talk to her.

You don't at this point want to put any pressure on her. You simply want to spend a couple of minutes on the phone with her weighing up where she's at and whether you think she's in an approachable mood. Depending on what you deduce, you either ask for a second chance or you retreat and give it more time.

Get more information in The Magic Of Making Up

Thursday, 29 October 2009

Dating Someone Else: Is It A Way To Win Back My Ex Boyfriend?

To win back ex boyfriend, try dating someone else! Your first thought is that that doesn't sound right! It sounds counter-intuitive and you're flat out not going to do it! Right? Well what if it's the right thing to do and by doing it you move yourself closer to getting back together with your ex boyfriend? Would you do it then?

Let me explain! When you've been dumped by someone you're still in love with, instinctively your first thoughts are to chase after them and to beg and plead with them to take you back. It's pretty much a mad panic on your part to get right back into the relationship before your ex boyfriend forgets about you and/or meets someone else.

Well pretty much you need to understand that your ex boyfriend is not going to forget about you just because the two of you broke up. Plus if he still has strong feelings for you, just because he's dating someone else it doesn't mean there's no way back for the two of you. So there's really no need to panic!

Instead to win back ex boyfriend trust that taking some time out is the right thing to do and take that time out. During this time away from your ex boyfriend, be sure not to contact him in anyway. Just let him get on with whatever he's doing and you do the same.

Once you accept that you're not going to be contacting your ex boyfriend, it's time to put on your best outfit, reconnect with your friends and get out and have some fun. Not only will this keep you busy and stop the temptation to call your ex, but it will also boost your confidence no end.

If you meet someone who you feel you'd like to date, don't let your desire to win back ex boyfriend stop you. Remember, you're not actually in a relationship with your ex, you've broken up and you're a free agent. So if you're emotionally ready to have some fun, go ahead and have some!

What you should do first and foremost though, is to make it clear to whoever you decide to date that you're not interested in anything heavy or full on, you just want to have some fun.

What you should also be clear about in your own mind, is that this is not about making your ex boyfriend jealous. It is only about keeping your spirits high and helping you come to terms with the situation with your ex boyfriend. You never know, you might enjoy this new guy so much that you decide that getting back with your ex boyfriend is not what you want to do after all.

Equally using this time apart to explore how you feel, can be a real way to win back ex boyfriend.

Sunday, 25 October 2009

When All Looks Lost...

When all looks lost and you're trying to figure out how to get back with your ex, one of the things you need to hold onto is that 95% of all relationships that look as if they're well and truly over, need not be. There is always hope, all it takes is for at least one person wanting to save the relationship and it can be saved.

The first key to figuring out how to get back with your ex is to leave your ex alone for at least a month - if at all possible longer than a month will work even better. So break all contact with them and give your ex plenty of time to think things through.

Often times in the heat of the breakup things get said and positions get taken that given time, are soon relinquished as reasoning takes over. So if you want to get to the heart of how to get back with your ex then seriously, give yourself and your ex some time.

If you don't allow for this space to think and you continue trying to push the issue to get your ex back before the time is right, then what will happen is that the more you push, the harder your ex will push back. Remember, your ex has walked out on the relationship and clearly demonstrated that they need time to think and be left alone, give them that time.

If you're worried that all looks lost because your ex is dating someone else, then you need to remember and hold onto the fact that a lot of rebound relationships just don't last. Chances are your ex is dating that person as a way to convince themselves that their relationship with you is really over. However, just because they're trying to convince themselves their relationship with you is over for good. Guess what? It doesn't mean that it is.

It is a statistical fact that rebound relationships are fraught with difficulties and very rarely work because the person on the rebound is still emotionally connected to their ex. So don't waste a whole lot of time worrying about someone your ex is currently dating.

The truth is getting your ex back is more about the two of you than anyone else, so make sure that you keep on top of your appearance, you're not doing anything to alienate your ex and that you're appearing in control and pretty soon you will have stopped wondering how to get your ex back, because they'll be back with you.

Monday, 19 October 2009

Marriage In Crisis: Get CPR

A marriage in crisis is difficult to handle as it seems that what was once full of life is now suffering and on the brink of dying. When you are dating, new love seems to have a life of it's own. Everything being so new feels like a new life has begun has the two of you have started a “new life” together.

When you get married, it seems like everything just falls into place and everything makes sense. When times get tough, though, and and the marriage begins to struggle it can seem like the new life is starting to get old and may die out. If you aren't ready for your life together to die, your marriage in crisis may need to get C.P.R.

Get Counseling:

One of the most underutilized and overlooked opportunities for a marriage in crisis is getting marriage counseling. Marriage counseling will go a long ways towards helping you not only find resolution to your conflicts but will help the two of you find ways to grow closer together. Marriage counseling will help you be better able to understand each other.

Marriage counseling will also help you find better ways to express yourself in such a way that you don't come across as attacking each other. It could very well be, though, that one of you has some serious issues that is putting your love and relationship at risk. For those issues you may want to get therapy on your own. It may be hard to do because you will have to swallow your pride but if you are serious about saving the marriage in crisis, you will want and need to do this.
Get Perspective:

For a marriage in crisis, one of the most important thing that needs to be done is to get some perspective on what is happening. This is one area that a marriage counselor will be helpful because it will help you to look at things and situations from other perspective.

From where you are standing things may look pretty clear. However, once you are able to see from another angle, things that you couldn't understand before may make a lot of sense. Getting perspectives from other angles and vantage points will really be helpful in helping you fully understand what is happening so that you can then save the marriage in crisis.

Get Resolve:

Once you have been able to get some perspective on the crisis at hand and are getting counseling, you will have a lot of information and ideas to go off of. Those will help repair the damage that is done IF you are able to act on it. Knowing is half the battle but no battle half fought was ever won.

If you see a drowning person and you not only know how to swim but know CPR and are trained in first aid, you may know everything you need to know to help save that person's life. Will that knowledge save them? Only if it is acted upon.

The same thing is true with your marriage. It just takes you acting upon it and getting resolved the issues that were killing your marriage. A marriage in crisis can only be saved if you act to make things better.

Saturday, 10 October 2009

VIDEO - Love, Relationships & Soul Mates: Breaking Up

Relationships and Breakups. Simple questions to ask yourself before you decide to get back into a relationship that ended.

Friday, 18 September 2009

Changing What Went Bad to Get My Ex Boyfriend Back - 5 Proven Strategies

After a break up, you may move on to other people. But, when you constantly find yourself thinking you want ex back, are there things you can do to rekindle an old relationship?

First, clear your energy from other people. Don’t invest time and energy in someone who aren’t your ex. For your old relationship to start working again, you have to prepare your mind, body and soul for him. If you are flirting with another guy, dating other men, or even worse, sleeping around, you are not preparing the proper mindset for getting your ex back.

Next, keep your dignity. Don’t chase your ex, flooding him with hundreds of text messages, calling him at odd times of day, or stalking him. Also, you need to make him respect you and treat you well. Don’t be a doormat. You will only command your ex’s respect and love when you are yourself at your best. Hold your head high. You will increase your chances of getting back together with your ex if you do.

Third, make a list of the things you appreciate about your ex and spend some time dwelling on them. Sometimes, a bad break up ends with all kinds of accusations. Now that you have some breathing room, start to concentrate on his good points. This is a good thing to do when you want ex back.

Next, when you get back together, try changing some of the circumstances. Go to new places and try new things. Take up a new hobby together. Meet new people. By changing the environment of your relationship, you have a better chance of making it work. Don’t fall into the same old patterns of your relationship. You may even want to tune your relationship down a notch. If you were living together, try having separate places for a while. If you were engaged, try just dating. Don’t try to force your relationship back into old patterns.

Finally, create a shared sense of destiny. While fate certainly plays a role in our lives, we are the ones who write our life script. Map out with your partner where you want to go. When you do this together, you create a mission with a place for both of you.

When you want ex back, you have to work with new scenarios.

Sunday, 13 September 2009

Simple Ideas To Save Your Relationship

Learning how to get back with your ex is important to you because they may very well be the best thing for you. You weren't ready for that relationship to end. If it was a dating relationship that ended or a marriage that for some reason turned ugly and ended in divorce, it could be that there may be a second chance. If you aren't ready to give up on that love that got away you will want to know how to get back with your ex and save your relationship.

If love was once there then the possibility for it still being there may be real. You may not be able to turn back the clock or make the mistakes disappear but you can give that love another chance to live again. If you have both been able to step back away from the mistake(s) and have been given enough time to breathe you may be able to come back together just to talk. You won't want to rush right back into it though.
There were problems that interrupted the romance. You need to make sure that you are able to move past it and have any unresolved issues resolved. How can you think about starting where you left off if where you left off was a bad place. Work through the problems. If you can't then you won't be able to get back with your ex boyfriend or girlfriend for very long.

The break up may have happened because of one event. It could have been because of that one behavior that one of you couldn't handle the other doing. Whatever the problem was you need to find out how to either accept deal with the problem or find out how it can be fixed.

If the issue was one cheating on the other, that may be hard to overcome. Trust has been broken and getting that trust back will be difficult. Overcoming a heartbreak because of that is difficult and it needs to be given both time and a reason to believe that there can be trust again. This is an area that marriage counseling or other type of couple's therapy can be helpful.

It is important not to come across as needy. You may feel desperate to get them back but this will only be seen as something that will give your ex power over you. You need to seem confident and that you are OK with yourself. The more confident you feel, the more likely they are going to be impressed with you and find you attractive once again.

Always ask yourself if this is the right thing to do. Make sure that you are going to be better off with them than you are without them. If it is only going to turn bad again then all your work trying to figure out how to get back with your ex will have been in vain.


Wednesday, 9 September 2009

How To Heal Your Relationship - Self Help Tips

Relationships are supposed to be able to bring out the best in us but many times it is the root for needing self help advice. Most self esteem issues are directly tied to relationships we are in. It doesn't matter if you are dating or in a marriage or just in love, it can either make us feel better or worse about ourselves. We strive to find the one who will love us and make us feel like we are on top of the world, unfortunately that doesn't always happen.

One thing that many will try to do is find out if the reason for your difficulties in your relationships is because of the problems between the two of you or is it because of problems that originated early on in either your life or the other persons life. It can be exhausting trying to find the original root of the matter but one thing is obvious, you have problems now.

The best thing to do is to try and fix the relationship that you are in now so that you and your spouse or partner can help overcome each other challenges. You may be interested in reading self help books and utilize different self help techniques. If your relationship is strong, though, there will be no more need to concentrate on healing yourself because you will have a partner to help you overcome.

First, though, you need to work on building the relationship. Seek out some good marriage counselors or others who can give good relationship advice.

One thing that is going to help is to never allow yourself to be criticized, or at least don't internalize it. Also make sure you don't criticize the one you love. There is no such thing as constructive criticism. There is nothing constructive about it. All it does is make one feel less powerful than the other and it is used to manipulate much in the same way an abuser does. A relationship is not a power struggle and it is not a war. Quit treating it like that and there won't be any fights to win or lose.
There are some more things that you can do to help your relationship. Where you are separated by beliefs, try talking it out and instead of pointing out where each other is wrong or where their weaknesses are try to find common ground. Take time to discuss what each other's roles are in the relationship. Also discuss what you expect of the other. Let your partner know what hurts but also let them know what it is you want or need them to do and try to offer the same to them.
Whether you are dating or involved in a marriage there are many things that you can do to help better the situation. Once the two of you have worked to repair the relationship and put away any talks of divorce, separation, or just breaking up, the two of you can work together to make each other better people. Your relationship will help you help yourself image and will help you overcome all those things that hold you back.


Monday, 7 September 2009

Is Saving A Relationship Worth It

Every relationship goes through struggles but after you have been fighting for a long time to keep it alive you may ask if saving a relationship like this really worth it. You may have gone to marriage counseling and sought ways to bring back the love. You will have worked only to find that you would again start having intimacy problems of some kind. You may have experienced struggles in your dating life. You ask around for dating tips or advice and have been given some good suggestions only to find that the troubles are still there.

The struggles continue but there are some things you should think about to see if saving a relationship like the one you are in is worth the challenge. If you are thinking about getting a divorce or separating, you need to look at these things honestly and maybe get some serious relationship advice. Saving a relationship is an important thing to try and accomplish and will take a lot of work. It can also be frustrating work if the relationships not really there.

Write a list of the people you most enjoy spending time with. Is your spouse or partner on that list? Do you really enjoy spending time together? When was the last time you went out and just had fun? Is it possible for the two of you to do that? Are you content just being with them? A good relationship between two people is going to be one where they can enjoy being together or can feel content just having the person there.

Another very important thing to consider when you are deciding if this relationship is worth saving is do they make you feel like you are understood. Do you listen to your spouse? Do you feel like you are being listened to and that they understand you? Spend some time and try to see if they do.

A relationship is supposed to be a place where you can go when you need comforted. Is the relationship one that makes you feel comfort when you have gone through something bad? Is the relationship something that you constantly need comforted about? If you are looking elsewhere for comfort, there may be a problem.

If there are questions about faithfulness or infidelity, they need to be addressed. Are you able to trust them? Are they able to trust you? If you have a problem answering either one of those questions affirmatively, then you may either need some serious marriage counseling or couple's therapy.

In saving a relationship, there are many other things to consider and a decision like this should not be taken lightly. Ask hard questions and search hard for answers and then you may be able to find if saving a relationship like the one you are in is worth it.

Friday, 4 September 2009

Relationship Psychology: Does Conflict Affect Men More?

In trying to overcome conflicts in a relationship, psychology may help us understand why men and women react differently. If you are dating or in a marriage, there are going to be arguments from time to time. What can make things worse is if the two people's ways of dealing with conflict cause them to make things worse. Many marriages have turned to marriage counselors and those who aren't married will still seek out relationship advice. Most counseling will help you realize some things that may help each understand how the other party thinks.

There was a study funded by the National Institute of Mental Health which showed that most couples who had been together for only a couple of months between the ages of 18 and 21 avoided intimacy and being dependent on their other half. They also showed levels of anxiety concerning being rejected or abandoned. Those tested all exhibited different degrees of the anxiety over being abandoned. Of course, those who were more secure in themselves had lower levels and others, depending on how they dealt with anxiety and thought about abandonment, reacted differently as well.

What was interesting in the testing was how differently the results were in both men and women. The ones researching relationship psychology using these subjects found that in their physiological reaction to relationship conflict, the reaction in men was more easily noticeable. Most of the reaction was increased anxiety for the majority of men while only those women who are the more avoidant types showed any real changes.

Women are more likely to want to guide a conversation in trying to resolve conflict in a relationship. Psychology shows them to be, in this situation, the ones actively working to get the situation resolved. While they were showing increased levels of cortisol before and during the confrontation, the levels dropped significantly. They showed that getting the conflict over quickly was more physiologically satisfying.

Men, however, showed to be more passive in conflict resolution. While there was evidence that they, too, wanted the conflict to be resolved they weren't anxious to confront the conflict head on. Those men who had female partners who were more secure showed lower levels of anxiety. Women showed no change in their levels of anxiety whether their male counterpart was secure or not.

When you seek out relationship advice, whether you go to family therapy or psychologists, they are going to try to help you understand how men and women react differently. The above research on studying the effects of conflict in men and women will help you know why the react the way that they do in the relationship. Psychology and physiological research will help you deal with conflict better.

Wednesday, 2 September 2009

How To Beat Depression With A Strong Relationship

The only thing worse than going through depression is being in a relationship with someone who is showing signs of relationship depression. It is difficult to watch them go through this dark period of life. Many relationships end because of it, because there doesn't seem to be any end to it and it begins to wear on both people in the relationship.

Depression makes people think irrationally and causes them to be blind to the good things in life, like you. They will make you feel like everything you do to try and make their world a little better is a wasted effort. It isn't, though.

The fact that you are there beside them means more to them than you will ever realize. They wouldn't blame you for leaving and will sometimes try and make the decision easier for you. They don't really want you to leave, though. They want you to be with them and help if you can.
The first thing that you can do to help them deal with their depression is to understand it.

Educate yourself about this mental disorder. Seek out to find what causes it. It could be because they lost a job or did something that brought on a feeling of failure. There are many reasons that it could have started but one thing is certain, even if you are in a strong relationship, depression, once it has begun can snowball.

You will need to make sure that you take care of yourself in this relationship. Depression, gone unchecked, can be contagious. When you are learning about depression make sure that you are watching for signs that you may be exhibiting. If you are then you should be quick in seeking help from psychologists or counselors. Once both of you start falling into depression it may be impossible for either of you to see the light of day. When you start getting worn down because of the weight of it all try and take some time to step back away from it and take care.

A past relationship and depression sometimes go hand in hand. When a relationship has failed it is easy to feel like every relationship after that is doomed to fail. Once someone begins feeling that way they will many times turn their current relationships in to a failed one. If this has begun to happen it is important to get relationship advice from marriage counselors and work with them to prevent it. This is not the only reason that marriages or dating relationships fail while one is in depression. Just the strain will cause it to suffer. Seek relationship advice from trained professionals as much as possible.

Above all, do not give up. Believe that you can help them overcome their depression and believe that the effort you are making matters. There are few things more powerful than what can come from a strong relationship. Depression is a tough foe but it can be beaten when the one you love has you to depend on. With a strong relationship depression can be beat.