Showing posts with label trust. Show all posts
Showing posts with label trust. Show all posts

Monday, 28 December 2009

Does Infidelity Have To Mean The End?

Of all the things that can tear apart a marriage, infidelity is one of the biggest reasons. Extramarital affairs are a betrayal of all the things that marriage is supposed to be about. A marriage is supposed to be a union of two lives, two people bonded together for a lifetime, and breaking that bond is one of the most difficult things to overcome.

In a marriage, infidelity isn't just what happens when somebody begins a physical relationship outside of the marriage. Infidelity can also be emotional, when one of the partners in a marriage begins to share their life with someone outside the marriage.

This is known as emotional infidelity, and it has become an even more serious problem in the last few decades. One of the reasons for this is because workplaces, one of our prime social engagements in modern times, have become increasingly more mixed.

In addition to that it is even easier to communicate with people on the sly. Email and instant messaging and texting have all made it easier to bond with people that you shouldn't be bonding with. While this isn't the cause of emotional infidelity, it is a factor.

At the same time, physical infidelity has also become easier. We spend more time apart than we once did, and it is not at all uncommon to spend the majority of time at work, which gives us a very handy excuse when we make the decision to cheat in our marriage. Infidelity is a choice, make no mistake about that.

But the thing to remember is that all of these things are excuses and opportunities, not reasons. Changing the excuses won't change the marriage, won't solve anything. But that doesn't mean that you can't overcome cheating in marriage. Infidelity is a big problem, but it is not an insurmountable one.

The very first thing you need to do is to figure out what went wrong in your marriage. Infidelity isn't something that happens in a vacuum; there is always a reason when things like that happen. Something has broken in your relationship and it needs to be fixed in order to get past the cheating.

You need to make sure that you don't blame the other person. Yes, they cheated on you. No, it wasn't your fault. But you need to move past it, because playing the blame game will only delay the kind of emotional healing that needs to take place. You need to, as best you can, put it all behind you.

Once you've found out why and began work on it, you need to reestablish the trust in the marriage. Infidelity destroys trust, and it's going to be difficult to repair what was been broken. You need to work on rebuilding the trust. Don't expect it to happen right away, and don't expect it to be easy.

But if you can follow these steps, you can save your marriage. Infidelity is terrible, but every relationship can be repaired. You just need to be willing to find the advice and the help you need to repair your relationship.

Tuesday, 15 December 2009

Relationship Breakups: What You Need To Know

Relationship breakups are a terrible thing, and are devastating for most people. What most people want, more than anything else, is to find someone to spend their lives with, someone who will always be there for you. Thinking you have this and then losing it is one of the worst events most people will suffer in their life.

After relationship breakups, people tend to suffer from the same kind of emotional healing process that people who have suffered the death of a loved one. This isn't surprising, since the death of a relationship is very much like the death of someone. But unlike the death of a person, sometimes something can be done to take back the death of a relationship.

Relationship breakups do not have to be forever in many cases. Far more relationships can be saved than those that are permanently destroyed. What you have to know and understand is the various kinds of relationship breakups that exists and what you can do about them.

Not all relationships can be repaired, and not all of them should be, but most of them can. You just need to know the right techniques for each kind of breakup.

The Abusive Relationship Breakups

This is a breakup that should stay a break up. Unlike the other relationship breakups, this one can and should stick. There's a chance that you may be considering returning to someone who physically or mentally abused you, but you need to stick with this kind of breakup. No one should take being abused.

The Mutual Breakup

Sometimes, both people in the relationship may want out and the relationship ends by mutual consent. Now, if this is truly a mutual breakup, there's a good chance that this is another relationship that shouldn't be repaired. On the other hand, if it was just called a relationship and was really one of the next two kinds of relationship breakups, that's a different matter entirely.

They Broke Up with You

This is usually the most hurtful kind of break up. If this has happened to you, what you need to do first is figure out exactly why the relationship ended. Once you know this, you have to decide if what went wrong is something you could or should fix. If it is something you can and should fix, then this needs to be your starting point.

You Broke Up with Them

Sometimes, we break up with people and then realize we've thrown away something good. When this happens, the first thing you need to do is reestablish trust. This means that you're going to essentially start the relationship over. Start slow, with coffee dates or something similar, and then work your way slowly towards repairing the relationship.
No matter which of the relationship breakups you've experienced, you need to be aware that help is out there. You just need to find the right kind of advice and instruction to allow you to mend feeling and repair your relationship with your ex.

Sunday, 13 December 2009

Survival Of Affair Relationships

After an affair, relationships can be hard to mend. The most essential part of any relationship is trust, and if you've cheated this bond is broken. The good news is that it is possible for a relationship to come back from cheating. The bad news is that you are going to have to work for it.

The first thing you need to do is swear off affair relationships. This is not a guide on how to cheat on your partner. If you're going to continue to cheat, then these guidelines will not be of much help to you. If you're willing to do the work, then these tips will help you repair your relationship.

The first thing you to need to do is admit your affair. Relationships are built on trust, and you can't have trust when you're lying to the other person. Not telling them is lying, a lie of omission. You need to tell them if they don't know, even though it is going to hurt.

Aside from general honesty, which is always a virtue, there is a practical side to this as well. If they don't know, they will find out, and it's better that you take the bullet now rather than add to the pain when they do find out. If you try to keep it a secret, you're going to torpedo the relationship.

The next thing you need to do is to take the blame. You may feel that your partner did something to drive you to cheat. We also all have natural tendency to rationalize our behavior, to explain ourselves by coming up with an excuse. But the reality is that it is you that cheated, you that the affair. Relationships aren't built by blaming your partner for your mistakes. Take the blame and move on.

Then you need to apologize. What you're looking for here is a complete admission and a sincere apology. You need to make sure that they know that you are truly repentant and regret what you did. Don't try to explain, just let them know how you feel.

Once you've done that, you need to give them some space. They are going to react, they are going to be hurt, and you can't push them into forgiving you any faster than they are going to already. Be there for them, but make sure that you don't push. They will be ready when they are ready, and if you try to push the issue then you are only going to succeed in pushing them further away.

After an affair, relationships are going to be different. The best thing you can do is to look at it as if you are starting the relationship all over again. You're going to need to win back their trust, and this is a process that is going to take some time.

Fortunately, there are resources available to you to help you repair the relationship. It may be hard to admit to yourself that you need help, but using one of the systems can be the best relationship move you'll ever make.

Thursday, 26 November 2009

Saving The Scorpio Woman Relationship

So you’ve made up and you’re back in a Scorpio woman relationship. That the Scorpio has agreed to try again is a very good thing, because often when people under this sign end something, it’s for good. Understanding the sign and its tendencies can help you heal your Scorpio woman relationship and make it last.

Now that you’re fixing the relationship, look back at what caused the problem. Was there cheating involved? If you cheated, or she thought you were cheating, understand that in the Scorpio woman relationship the potential for jealousy is very high.

This sign is possessive and jealous by nature. It’s flattering to have someone feel that way about you, to an extent. But when it’s taken to extremes it can make the relationship very tense and the amount of trust between you can suffer.

Scorpios are one of the signs more prone to obsession than any other. So if your woman becomes obsessed with the idea that you’ll cheat again, it’s going to be a hard mountain to climb for you to convince her otherwise. You have to be willing to give it a lot of time, and deal with a lot of suspicion.

If she cheated and has seen the error of her ways, try not to be too possessive or act too jealous now. It’s all right for her to know how hurt you were and the damage that it caused. But if you mistrust everything she does now, she’ll soon decide the relationship can’t be saved, even if she wants to stay with you.

Something to keep in mind in a Scorpio woman relationship is that Scorpios don’t like to be wrong. If she thought you were perfect or that you would never do something that you did, it goes beyond her being hurt. You proved she’d made a mistake, which is never easy for a Scorpio.
Any time a Scorpio makes a mistake or is wrong about something, she’ll admit it if she sees the clear evidence. So when she makes a mistake, give her time to realize it on her own. And do your best not to prolong it or keep pointing it out. She’ll appreciate that more than you know.
When you’re making up with this sign, you might tend to tiptoe a bit. Because of Scorpio’s volatile nature, you might worry that one wrong move could lead to another break up, this time for good.

But one of the worst things that can happen in the relationship is for the Scorpio to get bored. Boredom, for some born under this sign, is often worse than things going wrong! At least when things are going wrong there’s activity and movement.

When things are plain boring, though, that can be worse to a Scorpio than when there’s lots of conflict in the air. Scorpios enjoy challenge, debate and even argument. So when you’re healing your Scorpio woman relationship, don’t be so afraid of making a mistake that you’re afraid to make any move at all.

Tuesday, 24 November 2009

Relationships And Cheating - How To Get Over It

Does it seem like relationships and cheating go together like chocolate and peanut butter? It can start when everyone you know has had someone cheat on them. And chances are that you’ve had someone cheat on you. Or when it comes to relationships and cheating, you were the one doing the cheating.

Cheating hurts. It hurts the person who’s being cheated on, and believe it or not, it hurts the cheater. The cheater has to hide what he’s doing, probably has to lie to keep it a secret and has to feel the guilt that goes with it.

Even if he or she doesn’t seem guilty, they probably secret feel guilty. When there are relationships and cheating occurs, that doesn’t mean the end of the relationship every time.
You’ve been in a relationship and you’ve been cheated on, and you’ve gotten back together or you’ve never broken up. Can you really make it work now that the other person has cheated? How do you get over it? Will he cheat again?

It’s not easy to save these relationships, and cheating is something that can sometimes happen more than once. But if you can truly rebuild your trust in the other person, then you can stay together and be happy.

Do you know why the person cheated on you? That’s a very important consideration in whether you’ll be able to trust them not to cheat on you again. Were things not good in your relationship at the time, or was it just convenient and just “happened?” You should be able to have a calm discussion about these reasons.

If the reasons turn out to be things like he or she was simply bored that day and the opportunity came along, then you may have problems. If the other person can give no better reasons for hurting you that way, you may want to consider whether you really can forgive them to be happy. It won’t be easy.

If you were having problems, then at least the other person may have thought that the relationship was going to end anyway. They might have felt ignored or undervalued. This is not to give them a good excuse for cheating—they were wrong. But it can help you to understand what they were thinking at the time, and you can work on the problems together.

Relationships and cheating are a curious mixture, with some couples able to move on quite well after the devastation of an affair. Sometimes, though, the person who was cheating on can’t get over it. To stay in the relationship when there’s no trust there, and he or she fears that the other will cheat at any time, can be a miserable thing to do.

The constant suspicions can make you miserable, and can make the other person feel under a microscope 24/7. You have to decide to trust the person not to hurt you again, and let go of the fear even though it can be very hard to do in relationships and cheating situations.


Find out more in The Magic Of Making Up

Friday, 25 September 2009

"Things I've Learned From Women Who've Dumped Me" - The True Story

Here is a real story as it was heard:

"Okay, I’ll admit, I’ve been dumped. More than once. More than I’d like to admit, actually. And, while it hurt quite a bit each time, I have to say that I have grown from the experiences. So, here are some things I’ve learned from women who have dumped me.

Things I’ve Learned from Women Who have Dumped Me #1: It takes two.

Often with the pain and heartbreak of a break up, it is easy to blame the other person for your misery. But the truth is that if the relationship was no longer working, you were part of the problem. Evaluate what went on so that you can apply the lessons to your next relationship.

Things I’ve Learned from Women Who have Dumped Me #2: Give women their personal space.
Women like to cuddle and snuggle. They may seem to always be around. But they need their personal space too. Men have a tendency to be possessive. We want to keep tabs on where they’re going and what they’re doing there. If any woman has ever cheated on you, this instinct becomes stronger. But, trust is a key component in a relationship. When you invade her personal space, you send the message that you don’t trust your girlfriend. This can easily lead to the end of the relationship.

Things I’ve Learned from Women Who have Dumped Me #3: You get stronger over time.
When you wake up in the morning and the hurt’s so real, you may believe that you will never get over the break up. But the truth is that not only does time heal all pain, but you will emerge from the break up a stronger person. As philosopher Frederick Nietzsche said, “that which doesn’t kill me only makes me stronger.”

Things I’ve Learned from Women Who have Dumped Me #4: It’s okay if it wasn’t meant to be.
Coming to accept that a relationship wasn’t meant to be is a key factor in healing. If you had started projecting your relationship into the future – considering marriage, thinking about children – and then the woman you were with broke everything off, consider it a blessing. It is better to end a relationship that wasn’t meant to be earlier rather than later.

Things I’ve Learned from Women Who have Dumped Me #5: Good things don’t happen unless you make them happen.
Finally, the last lesson I want to share with you is that you can’t control what happened, but you can control to how you react to what happened. If you want good things to happen in the future, you have to make them happen.

That means getting back on the horse. Go out, meet new women. Have some fun. Eventually, you will find another relationship. And, if you have followed the advice about things I’ve learned from women who have dumped me, the relationship will be even better and stronger than the last one."


More lessons learned in The Magic Of Making Up

Monday, 17 August 2009

How To Restore Trust in Relationships After An Affair

How do you get your ex back even after you’ve cheated? Some people claim that an affair should always end a relationship. But I believe that every relationship is savable if both parties really want to work on it.

Restoring trust in relationships requires an adjustment in attitude and actions. Even after an affair, it is possible to save a relationship. But that starts with ramping up the level of trust within the couple.
If you have had an affair, you have had an attitude which allowed you to stray. There may be something at the relationship’s core that is diseased. But you can heal the disease.

What was it that you were looking for when you strayed? Was the sex humdrum? Was she too busy for you? Was she just not spending enough time on her grooming?

You wouldn’t have had an affair if the primary relationship was perfect. So, what needs to be done to fix it? Often that lies in self analysis. But just as often, that lies in the couple’s relationship.

Restoring trust in relationships means fixing the underlying problems. Sometimes that means going into couples counseling.

But just understanding our thoughts isn’t enough. The next step is to take concrete action in fixing the problems.

The secret to restoring trust in relationships lies not in talking about the right things, but in doing the right things.

One of the biggest things you can do is to make small promises and keep them. If you promise to take the trash out every evening, do it. And, do it consistently. When you demonstrate that you can be trusted in the small things, a gradual sense of confidence will be realized in the larger picture of the relationship.

Your girlfriend or wife is going to need constant reassurance that you have changed. This means that you are going to need to apologize more than once over time. You will also need to treat the recurring comments about the violation of trust as a matter of course. It is not easy for her to forgive the breach. If you want to stay with her, you will be patient with her.

This does not mean that you must feel guilty about the indiscretion forever. In fact, if you allow her to constantly guilt trip you, she will not be satisfied in the new relationship you are building. Just be understanding.

Finally, you need to put a positive spin on the incident. Treat it as an opportunity for both of you to grow as individuals and for the relationship to mature. Just as a bone grows stronger at the place it has been broken, a relationship can improve after an affair.

Restoring trust in a relationship takes time. It requires that you change both your attitudes and actions. But it is possible to heal the divide and be a stronger couple as a result.




More tips and advices in The Magic Of Making Up

Monday, 20 July 2009

How To Build Trust In A Relationship In 7 Proven Ways

Often, what really makes a relationship work are not the things we think of first. For instance, do you think you always need to spice things up? Wrong! Predictability is more important than variety in a relationship. The following seven methods are guaranteed to grow your connection by improving the level of trust in a relationship.

First of all, you need to be predictable. This goes against the common notion that you need to “stir things up” to keep the romance alive. Sure, going to a new restaurant or giving a surprise gift can be nice, but most of all, we need things to be consistent and steady in order to make our relationships work. Consider that trust in a relationship is built on being reliable day in and day out.

Next, you need to make sure that your words always match the message. This means that your partner needs to hear the words which match your body language. If you say you are happy but you are frowning, your partner doesn’t hear your words, he or she sees your face and the tone in your voice. Your parter needs to be able to trust what you are saying. When the words match the message, you build trust in a relationship.

Third, you need to have a fundamental belief in your partner’s competency. If you don’t you won’t have the trust in a relationship that you need. When lovingly communicated, the truth is never destructive. When you do not believe that your partner is competent at some things (or indeed, anything), you violate the trust in a relationship.

Don’t keep secrets. Secrets destroy the trust in a relationship. Be honest and open. Assume everything you know will eventually come out. Secrets require enormous energy on your part. That is energy that could be going into building the relationship.

Fifth, don’t be afraid to let your partner know what your needs are. Don’ t make him or her guess what you need. Let them know. It is okay to be self-centered as long as you are not selfish. Indeed, if you are reluctant to assert your needs, you may go overboard in the opposite direction and smother your partner.

Sixth, learn to say no. When your partner voices his or her needs, that is a good thing. But you don’t need to say yes to everything. A partner cannot respect you if you never say no. Refusing to be subjugated to the other person’s will actually builds trust in a relationship.

Finally, always pursue growth. When you plant a flower, you begin by digging in the dirt. Digging in the dirt of our relationships can sometimes cause pain. But, through that pain, we prepare the soil for future growth. Don’t be afraid of turmoil, crisis, or questions. These become the fertilizer for growth and change. Embrace what is difficult.

When you decide to work on trust in a relationship, you are bound to encounter a little pain. But, as you work through this pain, you will not only become stronger as an individual, you will also strengthen your coupledom.


To find out more please refer to outstanding book "The Magic Of Making Up"