Thursday, 31 December 2009

VIDEO - How To Survive A Long Distance Relationship (LDR)

Wednesday, 30 December 2009

Stop Your Divorce: 3 Ways To Do It

Things aren’t going well, but you don’t want divorce to end your relationship. What can you do?

If you don’t want divorce there are three specific things you can do to stop it.

These tips won’t work in every situation—some relationships are too far gone. But most relationships start having troubles long before they reach this point, thankfully.

When you don’t want divorce but your partner does, try being quiet for a while. Just don’t say anything. Stop complaining. The worst thing you can do is to carry on about how you don’t want to get divorced.

You can let your partner know that you don’t want the divorce. And that’s about all you can do. Perhaps you could reassure them that couples go through this kind of thing all the time and are still together today. Just don’t do it more than once.

If you carry on and carry on about how you want to stay together, you’ll probably just annoy your partner, making it less likely for him to be open to the idea of staying together. The whole point is to make yourself extra desirable to your partner again.

It’s unlikely he or she finds you particularly desirable when you’re complaining and whining about inconsequential things. That tendency to complain and even nag may have had something to do with why the relationship broke up in the first place, remember.

You want to show your very best side to your partner at all times. When you started dating this person, you were probably on your own very best behavior. Everyone does that to win a mate’s heart. Then as things start to stagnate a little because the mate is won and there’s no need to compete with others anymore, the tendency to whine and complain begins.

Stop this immediately and go back to your very best “going to win them” courting behavior. That is often such a switch from the way things were in the beginning, that it seems almost too good to be true.

Going hand in hand with taking care not to complain or nag is learning to simply be agreeable. We tend to take our partner for granted and when he or she suggests something we’re not happy with, we make it known. If we do that too often it can start to seem to our partner that they can’t do or say anything right!

If you don’t want divorce then learn to agree with your partner even when you don’t want to. That might sound a little extreme, but you’re in rescue mode right now. You just want to do everything you can to save the marriage. It doesn’t’ mean that you’ll never be able to disagree with them for the rest of your life.

You need to learn to not whine, to agree and to do it all with a smile on your face. If you don’t want divorce you’ll have to do these things for at least a little while.

Tuesday, 29 December 2009

Separation: Relationships Can Get Stronger After Heartache

After a separation, relationships can be hard to rebuild. The point of a separation is to see if you can live without each other and to get some time away from your problems to gain some perspective. Unfortunately, people tend to look at a separation as the beginning of the end for a marriage.

This doesn't have to be true of every separation: relationships can actually come out the other side stronger and healthier than they ever were before. The key to coming back from a separation is to fix the mistakes and problems that lead to the separation and make sure they stay fixed.

A lot of people make an effort to solve the problems to get their significant others back but fail to do the necessary upkeep. This is very much like going on a diet and then expecting to keep the weight off by going back to exactly what you did before. There's a reason why so many people gain the weight back, and it's the same reason there are so many divorces after separation; relationships need maintenance.

The very first thing you need to do to come back from a separation is to find out what the real reasons for the separation were. There will always be a superficial reason, some event driving the decision, but this is rarely the reason, this is usually just a symptom of the real problem.
If you don't find out what the true reason for the separation, relationships will always fail. This means you have to use the time away from the marriage to look at the problem with as much distance as you can. Your emotions will tend to mislead you.

Once you've found out what the problem is, you can begin to do the work needed to fix it. This is a process that involves your spouse; there are two people in a marriage and it takes both of you working together to fix the problems that lead to the separation. Relationships need to be a partnership, and this is a good place to start.

The good news is that fixing the problem is actually the easier part. Finding the problems tends to be harder, and that's the part most couples will get hung up on. The actual fix is usually just a matter of working with your partner to find the solutions and compromises that will allow you to work around the problem.

Like a diet, this will be a lifetime project, and it will involve change. The fact is that something was broken in your marriage, and the both of you are going to have change to make it work. This where most people go wrong after a separation; relationships have to be treated as something brand new.

The best strategy is to treat the relationship as if it is something entirely new. Rebuild your marriage from the ground up, making sure to address the problems that how come before, but also addressing what has come before.

After a separation, relationships can be rebuilt. You just need to take the time and put in the work. Another good idea is to get some help; there are systems and advice available all over the internet that show you exactly what you need to do to fix your relationship and save your marriage.

Monday, 28 December 2009

Does Infidelity Have To Mean The End?

Of all the things that can tear apart a marriage, infidelity is one of the biggest reasons. Extramarital affairs are a betrayal of all the things that marriage is supposed to be about. A marriage is supposed to be a union of two lives, two people bonded together for a lifetime, and breaking that bond is one of the most difficult things to overcome.

In a marriage, infidelity isn't just what happens when somebody begins a physical relationship outside of the marriage. Infidelity can also be emotional, when one of the partners in a marriage begins to share their life with someone outside the marriage.

This is known as emotional infidelity, and it has become an even more serious problem in the last few decades. One of the reasons for this is because workplaces, one of our prime social engagements in modern times, have become increasingly more mixed.

In addition to that it is even easier to communicate with people on the sly. Email and instant messaging and texting have all made it easier to bond with people that you shouldn't be bonding with. While this isn't the cause of emotional infidelity, it is a factor.

At the same time, physical infidelity has also become easier. We spend more time apart than we once did, and it is not at all uncommon to spend the majority of time at work, which gives us a very handy excuse when we make the decision to cheat in our marriage. Infidelity is a choice, make no mistake about that.

But the thing to remember is that all of these things are excuses and opportunities, not reasons. Changing the excuses won't change the marriage, won't solve anything. But that doesn't mean that you can't overcome cheating in marriage. Infidelity is a big problem, but it is not an insurmountable one.

The very first thing you need to do is to figure out what went wrong in your marriage. Infidelity isn't something that happens in a vacuum; there is always a reason when things like that happen. Something has broken in your relationship and it needs to be fixed in order to get past the cheating.

You need to make sure that you don't blame the other person. Yes, they cheated on you. No, it wasn't your fault. But you need to move past it, because playing the blame game will only delay the kind of emotional healing that needs to take place. You need to, as best you can, put it all behind you.

Once you've found out why and began work on it, you need to reestablish the trust in the marriage. Infidelity destroys trust, and it's going to be difficult to repair what was been broken. You need to work on rebuilding the trust. Don't expect it to happen right away, and don't expect it to be easy.

But if you can follow these steps, you can save your marriage. Infidelity is terrible, but every relationship can be repaired. You just need to be willing to find the advice and the help you need to repair your relationship.

Sunday, 27 December 2009

Saturday, 26 December 2009

Relationships Sites: Good Vs Bad Advice

The Internet is filled with relationships sites that offer advice, tips and articles about good and bad relationships. Some are designed for those who are new in a relationship while others are for those who have had a break up and are now making up and trying to work it out. Can these relationships sites really help you heal your relationship?

If you take the information in them and apply it, it can certainly help. There are certain types of advice that are better than others, obviously. And some relationships sites are designed to get you to buy something, with articles that really don’t even make much sense.

Avoid those sites that are too cutesy to be useful, with quizzes and articles about things like how to trick your partner, how to cheat and not get caught, and things like that. Those aren’t for people in serious relationships, or they’re just for humor.

But sites that offer good advice can be very helpful. Very often there will be message boards and forums where other people reading the same information can interact. Testimonials about how the site helped might be available.

Be sure to take those testimonials with a grain of salt, however. Some relationships sites make them up, or have other people make them up, just to look better or sell you something.

The sites that have been put up by actual relationship experts like those who have written extensively on the subject are usually best. If they counsel people in healing relationships and have some popular books, they’re at least trying to offer useful information.

But there are sites that aren’t put out by experts that can contain gold mines, too. Some might have question and answer pages or even advice columns. It can often be helpful to read about other people’s situations. This lets you see what other people did while seeing if the advice might apply to your situation, too.

Relationships sites that guarantee they can save your relationships or marriage might not be great ones. If you’ve broken up and are now back together, you know how hard it is. And for any site or person to say that your relationship can definitely be saved is deceptive.

Without knowing your particular situation, no one should ever make that promise. And in fact, even with knowing your situation in detail, there’s no guarantee that anything can make absolutely sure that everything will work out all right.

The most any websites or even experts can do is give you the tools to try. You can get advice that will give you the best possible chance of making the relationship work this time. Then it’s up to you to use the information to make it happen.

Sites that have a lot of absolute statements, like how something will make him do a certain thing or think a certain way, aren’t being realistic. Look for relationships sites that admit not everything will work just as planned, as the advice in them will be much more practical.

Friday, 25 December 2009

How To Save My Marriage: 2 Secret Techniques

If you’re wondering, “How to save my marriage?” then you only have to look around you to remember the things you did together when you were first married or first dating. Are you still doing those things today? If you’re trying to figure out, “How to save my marriage?” then chances are you’re not.

Marriages get into trouble for a variety of different reasons. There are affairs, lies, boredom, changes people go through that make them more or less appealing to each other, moves, children, jobs . . . . All these things factor into a marriage and help determine whether it’s healthy or whether you’ll end up asking, “How to save my marriage?”

If there are have been affairs or serious betrayals and lies, then probably the best thing you can do if you want to save the marriage is to go to counseling. This isn’t one of the secret techniques, but it’s probably the only one that can really help once things like that have gone on.

Through marriage counseling, you may be able to get at the heart of why there was cheating, and find ways to make sure it doesn’t happen again. Counseling may also lead you to the painful decision that you don’t want to remain in such a marriage where you may not be able to trust your spouse again (or yourself, if you’re the one who cheated).

Sometimes marriage counseling is very painful while you’re going, but once the painful things come out it’s like a wound that’s been cleaned out –now it can start to heal.

The secret techniques aren’t really secret either, but they might as well be because few people every try them and instead do the exact opposite.

The first thing you can do when you find yourself asking, “How to save my marriage?” is to simply leave your spouse alone. Enjoy some more time without your partner. It doesn’t have to be for very long. It can be just a few days. Just make sure your partner knows that it isn’t practice for splitting up, you’re just giving him or her a little breathing room.

Sometimes marriages suffer because spouses spend too much time together. If that’s the case in your marriage, some time apart can be a very good thing.

If the problem with the marriage is that you spend too much time apart already, then you can make a difference in your marriage by taking some initiative. Vow right now to make some changes, and go and schedule a weekend getaway for you both. If that’s too expensive, plan an outing for the day. Or plan three hours of dinner and a movie where it’s just the two of you, on a private and surprise date.

You’d be surprised how these two secret techniques, when used at the appropriate times, can feel so good they’ll take you from asking, “How to save my marriage?” to wondering why you hadn’t been doing these things for several years.